Oh. Hi squatty potty.
I’d forgotten about you. You see, I have a bad experience in past with a squatty potty. When I was 15 I took a train from Hong Kong to Beijing. The toilet on the train was a squatty potty – with a direct exit route to the train tracks below. I wore flip flops in – you wouldn’t dare go in barefoot (imagine people on a bumpy train SQUATTING over a hole? If you thought men’s bathrooms were gross on stable land, try checking out a bumpy train hole. Gross.) Anyway – upon exiting the restroom, as I lifted my left foot over the hole in the floor, my flip flop fell off. 1 – how does that happen? 2 – OMG now I had to hop out of the bathroom on one foot because otherwise my other foot might have fallen off from disease had it touched the ground and 3 – well, I just really hope some child in China was looking for a left shoe. Maybe they were missing their left shoe, or perhaps there was a child with only one left foot. I don’t know. I can only hope my $1.99 Old Navy flip flop didn’t go to waste.
Anyway. As much as I love to travel, I’ll admit that these days it freaks me out a little. Not enough to NOT travel, of course. But not only is finding food is hard – dealing with the aftermath of getting sick downright sucks in a foreign country. Because I’m just freaking convinced that the founder of the squatty potty NEVER had diarrhea. Or maybe he never even pooped. Dude (I’m convinced it was a dude – no woman would create something so ridiculous and uncomfortable) must have had regular bowel movements every day of his life and never thought about the people that spend a little extra time on the toilet. I mean seriously.
One night we went to dinner and it was pretty good. Until I realized that they gave me the wrong dish – the dish that was meant for my gluten eating friend. Oops. All I have to say is all hail the pepto bismol. I walked my fastest walk back to the hotel and was thankful that at least the hotel had real toilets for us that prefer to sit while spending time in the restroom. (While playing Draw Something or Words With Friends on our iPhone. And now all of my friends are going to have the awesome vision of me on the toilet every time a notification pops up that they have a new drawing. Muahaha.)
The good news is about those squatty potties? They’re great for your thighs and butt. It’s like a mini workout every time you go to the bathroom. Because you can’t use a squatty potty without squatting… my personal trainer Linda would be so proud!